How to find the right therapist for me?

How to find the right therapist for me?

First, I would like to start off by saying it is OK to therapist shop when you are seeking therapy.

I want you to know that it is ok to contact multiple mental health providers, to ask many questions and to really assess which provider would be the best fit for your mental health care.

This is an important decision.

I think the best way to find out if a therapist is the right fit for you is to have a brief consultation call before signing up for services. This is a great opportunity for you, as the client to ask questions to better understand how the therapist works, and to see if you feel comfortable talking with this person.

Often when we encounter life challenges, struggle with executive functioning or implementing coping strategies, or just feeling stuck it can be very difficult to reach out for help.

If you are struggling, I applaud you for even reading this page.

This article will be a great cheat sheet to help you gather the strength and focus needed to find effective counseling services.

Some questions to ask during a consultation call:

1.What is your specialization? This is a great way to find out if the therapist is knowledgeable and passionate about the topic, experiences, and mental health condition you bring to session.

2. What is your therapeutic approach? Asking this question will give you a great idea about how the licensed therapist will address your concerns and goals as well as give you some information about the techniques and modalities that they will use in within their counseling services.

3. How do you adapt your approach to fit each individual client? I believe it is important for a therapist to be able to adapt their approach and methods to best align with the client's needs and goals. This question will offer you information on the therapist's ability to be flexible in creating a treatment plan that best suits your needs.

4. What is your availability and scheduling? Make sure your therapist’s schedule aligns with your schedule so that therapy is at a time when you feel you can focus and have a private space to do the personal work.

5. How often are sessions typically scheduled? This is a great question to find out if your licensed therapist suggests weekly, biweekly or differently scheduled sessions .Some therapists suggest 50-minute sessions while others offer 60-minute and even have the opportunity of 90-minute sessions. Ask this question to find a therapist that practices in a way that fits best into your schedule.

6. Remember it is OK to ask about fees, process, schedule, approach and cancellation policy etc. It is important to have a good understanding of what to expect and it's important for a therapist to have transparency about their process and expectations as well.

Now, let’s talk about insurance and what to ask if the mental health provider you connect with does not accept your policy.

What to ask your insurance about Out-of-Network Providers:

1.     What is the Out-of-Network Reimbursement rate? Ask what percentage of out of network costs your insurance plan will cover. This is going to help you get an estimate of how much you might need to pay out of pocket after reimbursement. Most out-of-network mental health providers will require that you pay the session fee up front and then return to your insurance to ask for reimbursement.

2.     Is there a maximum reimbursement amount? Ask your insurance if there is a limit to how much they will reimburse for out of network services.

3.     Do I need to meet my deductible first? Ask if you need to meet your deductible before the insurance will start to reimburse for out-of-network services.

4.     What documentation do I need to submit? Ask your insurance provider about any specific documents required to submit a claim for out-of-network reimbursement. This might include a super bill or any other relevant paperwork.

I suggest taking detailed notes during these conversations with your insurance provider as well as keep a folder of all relevant documents related to your out-of-network claims and reimbursements this will help organize and help you navigate the process more effectively.

Please note that when working with insurance there is less ability to keep client information private and most insurance providers will require a diagnostic code when reimbursing for out-of-network services.

I hope that this has been helpful in guiding you toward finding a therapist that feels like the right fit (When you know, you know!). The therapeutic relationship is unique, and a valuable resource once established. I understand that it can feel like an overwhelming task to begin the search but please allow this article to guide you towards building a strong therapeutic bond with your clinician. Please feel free to reach out to me for a free consultation call or with any questions on how to find the best fit for your therapeutic needs.

Lauren Perez, LMFT

Mini Introduction to Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an integrative approach to therapy that Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., developed in the 1980s.IFS is based on the idea that people have many parts inside them, and each part has its own personality and ways of viewing the world. If you are unfamiliar with IFS, then I bet you are thinking “many parts inside? What does that mean?” I felt the same when I first heard this concept but think about all the times when you said to yourself, “I am really excited about this event, but I am also really nervous.”

Oftentimes we have conflicting emotions that can feel overwhelming or even confusing. This is a great example of how we can, as a singular person, have multiple parts active within us at one time. When parts become active and feel strongly about a topic or react to a situation, we become blended by that part and are now solely operating through that part's lens. At times this can be functional, for example, when we are blended by a part that is hard working and motivated, we can achieve our goals, mark tasks off our To Do List, etc. But when these parts become more extreme, and their behaviors intensify that can begin to create problems. When a part intensifies to a point of increasing discomfort, we might notice that the typically motivated and hard-working part is now working overtime, skipping breaks to eat, and creating a lot of uncomfortable symptoms. A small part of what we do within Internal Family Systems is working to identify the parts that are overly active and to help those parts feel as though they can decrease in their intensity so that they can become a functional part of the system again. Our goal is to be sure that not one part is constantly in the driver's seat taking over in an intense and exhausting way, rather through our work together we work towards creating more balance and enjoyment.

To create more balance and decrease discomfort we work to identify each part and how they respond to situations both past and present. We can then begin to build trust with these identified parts and help them to feel as though they are being heard and cared for. We can provide space and time to hear their stories and find resolutions that work for all parts involved. Not only will this help us see how our feelings and behaviors are connected but we can create meaningful change for those parts and for you in your daily life moving forward.

Internal Family Systems is a powerful yet gentle modality that is effective in working with anxiety, stress, depression, trauma and so many other experiences. As a therapist, I have had the honor to sit with many clients as they experience the deep impact of IFS for themselves and their parts. If you are curious about Internal Family Systems and how it could benefit you, reach out today. Call or email to set up a free 15-minute consultation. Looking forward to seeing you.

Lauren Perez, LMFT

Coping with Stress as a Neurodivergent Mom

As a neurodivergent mom, stress can feel constant. The demands of parenting, coupled with the challenges of navigating a world that wasn’t designed for neurodivergent brains, can leave you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and burned out. But there are ways to cope with stress that can help you feel more grounded.

First it is important to be able to recognize when you feel stressed. This might include recognizing physical symptoms such as a racing heart or tightness in your chest, as well as emotional symptoms such as irritability or anxiety.  If identifying your emotion feels challenging, notice your breath. Is it calm or rapid? Noticing your breath can be a wonderful guide to help recognize the increase or decrease of stress. Once you have identified that you are stressed, we can take steps to manage it.

One strategy is to practice mindfulness. This involves focusing on the present moment without judgement. If you feel a judgmental part jumping in and interrupting, gently ask it for a little space and attempt to focus on the calm once again (there might be many interruptions, acknowledge them and attempt to refocus).  A mindfulness practice can look like a full meditation practice, or it can be as simple as taking a few breaths and focusing on the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves the body. For parents, it can be challenging to find time, space, and energy for this skill. Maybe it has been a long time since you have prioritized yourself and your needs. Find the space, make the time even if it is just a few focused breaths during a shower or before your child wakes up. Another option could be to include your child into the practice. Modeling this skill could be incredibly effective and creates time for your own focused breath. This might look like sitting on the grass and taking 3 breaths together or doing a big belly breath together before you tuck them into bed.

Many neurodivergent people can be heavily impacted by sensory stimuli in their environment. As a mom this could look like crying babies, feeling over touched, sticky floors, loud kid parties etc. Parenting is a highly stimulating task; the stimulation may change but it will likely remain for many years. Learning skills to decrease overstimulation can increase your ability to cope and allow for more enjoyment. Some skills to soothe your sensory system could include rocking, dancing, a tight hug, a weighted blanket, a cold treat, hot tea, singing or humming or even just some sound softening headphones/earplugs (make sure you can still hear the kids!)

It is also important to have a support system in place. This might be a therapist, a support group or a trusted friend or family member who can listen and offer support when you are overwhelmed.

Stress and lack of sleep (two common culprits of parenting) not only decrease our ability to cope with big emotions (your own or your child’s) it also impacts your executive skills. Executive skills include your ability to start and complete a task, organize, or plan, manage time, sustain attention etc. areas in which may already be an area of struggle (and are often required for parenting!)

By practicing mindfulness, learning skills to decrease sensory overwhelm and leaning on your support system, you can learn to cope with stress and find more balance in your life. I am here to help you explore your neurodivergence and what that means for you in your role as a parent. Contact me to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Let me help you find your smile again.

Written by Lauren Perez, LMFT